How to Be Calm (4 Simple Strategies)

Being calm is sometimes an anomaly. It seems the exact moment we need to be calm is the moment we can least attain it. It doesn’t really matter if you are calm while watching TV, but it really matters if you are calm when the guy in front of you at the supermarket starts screaming at his wife and motioning like he is going to hit her.

I am a teacher. Most days are rewarding and even fun. But some days are bad. Rotten. It seems that people (adults and kids) have the sole purpose of pushing you to your wits end. I am no saint. I have lost my cool too many times to count. But I guess that has lead me to noticing those occasions when I can remain calm amidst obnoxiousness, yelling, and even fighting.

Examine your Beliefs

Beliefs are tricky things. A lot of times we think we believe something, but we really don’t. Do you believe that being calm is the best way to diffuse a difficult situation? How can you tell? When one arises! Once we lose our cool all reason goes out the window, so thinking about what we do in that moment really isn’t useful.

But imagine you are watching TV and an asshole character is about to get punched. Do you get excited? If so, you may not actually believe in non-violence. It may just be a politically correct thing you say to fit in. Have I ever wanted to see some jerk get a jab to the face? You betcha! But over time, I have learned that every person has rights and human dignity that we should respect. We don’t have to like them, but we should respect them. And that means not punching them in the face! (physically or verbally) 🙂

Be Fit

As I have written in many other articles, fitness does so much for your life and happiness that the benefits are seemingly infinite. Fitness-specific benefits such as a lower resting heart rate and high heart rate variability allow your body to become more resistant to stress (ahhh, there’s that concept of acute vs. chronic stress again). It will just biologically take more to send a fit body into “fight or flight mode”…the place where the majority of bad decisions are made.

Ever notice how very muscular men (over the age of 30) are usually very kind and gentle? It’s because they have nothing to prove! Just by their physique, you can see that they could punch you into next week. Especially for men, a muscular physique can allow people to become more calm around you. It is as if they know you have discipline and self-control and are less likely to be impulsive. Conversely, how many of us know the loud-mouthed toothpick jerk?

Eat Well

Diet is a finicky thing. Advice for one person would be outrageous for another. Imagine telling a sedentary person to eat 400g carbs a day! When our body is properly fueled, we are better able to deal with life’s inevitable stressors. Don’t believe me? Go on an 18 hour fast and then find an annoying person. Watch your level of irritation triple what it would normally be.

If we are active (and we should be) these are some good basic guidelines for proper fueling:

  • On active (i.e. workout) days:
    • 1g protein per pound of bodyweight
    • 1.5 – 2g carbs per pound of bodyweight carbs
    • Rest of the calories – fat
  • On rest days:
    • 1g protein per pound of bodyweight
    • 0 – 1g carbs per pound of bodyweight
    • Rest of the calories – fat

As far as calories go, this is a rough guideline:

  • Sedentary Days: 12-14 calories per pound of bodyweight
  • Easy / Moderate Workout Days: 14 – 16 calories per pound of body weight
  • Hard Workouts: 18 – 20 calories per pound of bodyweight

Centering Strategies

If we have the right beliefs, are fit, and are fueled properly, we will be able to be calm in most circumstances.

It helps though, to have ways to center ourselves. Particularly if we know we are about to enter a difficult situation. Some methods that I have found effective are:

  • Box Breathing: Inhale, hold, exhale.
  • Rhythmic Breathing: Taking deep, controlled breaths.
  • Listening to calming music.
  • Light Movement: Pacing, slow gentle fidgeting, etc.

Well, those are the methods I have found very effective in making me more calm. What are your experiences?

Until next time…